actually, I'm a sock model
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
