I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
