You really coming over, don't trick.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
