Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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