Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
