He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
