he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
