Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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