New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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