dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
