He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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