At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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