I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
