I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A bitchslap is in order.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
