DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
