I want to have your abortion
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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