Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
