She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
