I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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