...so i touched it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He passed out mid-signature
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
