Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
