i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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