Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
