Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
