Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
