while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
