the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We have started to decorate penises.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
