Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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