It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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