I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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