she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
