I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
