Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
