What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
