Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
