The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
