i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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