Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
