so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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