My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
