Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
