God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
