someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
