For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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