My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
