Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
