plz talk dirty to me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
