i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
