from now on my penis is your penis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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