i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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