Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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