okay pat passed out under dana's car
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
