You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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