First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
