thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
