Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
