Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
