We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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