I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
